Leaning Forward

One another

Getting along with other people isn't rocket surgery. But, it isn't automatic either. We have crash buttons installed in us at the factory that activate all kind of self preservation systems when they're pressed. Humans also have advanced skills for pressing the right buttons in others too. Voila! There is plenty of human conflict, even in people of faith who ought to know better. 

So, we can master the material of folks like  Peace Maker Ministries. I am indebted to them for their very fine compilation of biblical guidance in conflict resolution. It is the best material I have found on the topic.

Even with that said, there's another approach that shouldn't be so alien to believers. It's the simple instructions of Scripture about how we should treat people in the first place. Well, yes, love is at the top of this treatment pyramid. It is our most effective witness to the outside world (John 13:350, verification of authentic faith (1 John 4:8, et. al.), and the lens through which we should see other people (1 Peter 4:8). Love has a unifying effect on all the other virtues that link us (Colossians 3:14). This Godly affection motivates us to right action and teaches us to live beyond mere words and good intentions (1 John 3:18). It is the second of the greatest commandments and the overriding character of this life. Loving each other is foundational.

Then, there are the "one another" passages Scripture. Jesus, His apostles, and the larger crowd of disciples must have experienced the stresses of human sensitivity. The New Testament is an instruction manual in how to behave as a community of faith. So, the various versions have re-interpreted some of the passages and used new word sets to capture the thoughts, but the "one another" passages are still intact and still inform us of right actions between Christians. For a good listing of them, check out this sight. There's a fine listing here. Thanks to Hearlight for pulling all the texts together in such a fine way.

Yes, children, there is also the Golden Rule. Contrary to popular belief Ben Franklin did not author the Golden Rule in Poor Richard's Almanac. No, this great life-guide was actually spoken by Jesus. It is good because (1) He spoke it, (2) it is easy to remember and understand, (3) even the world is accustomed to it. The HCSB renders it, "Therefore, whatever you want others to do for you, do also the same for them— this is the Law and the Prophets" (Matthew 7:14). "Do unto others what you would have them do to you", the way most of us learned it, will work. There it is in a way that little ones can grasp. How to treat other people in one easy lesson.

The world is complicated, our toys today are high tech, and velocity defines the times in a way never experienced in human history. With all of this, the world has just gotten smaller. Of course, God doesn't change, and neither does His Word, and neither does human nature. So, even in times like these, simple biblical advice still directs us to right living, and living in relationship with other people. 

The steps and stratigies are good. But, we don't have to get that complicated. It can be a test at times, bearing other people. But, it is our assignment, and we are expected to do it with the same character He exhibits to us. Read Colossians 3:12-13 if you want a jolt toward treating others fairly.

Like He forgives me! Awesome!

Reconciliation and restoration: God's purpose

Church discipline is a broad biblical ideal. In one sense, it is "formative", that is, it is the process by which disciples are formed. Yet, in a second way, it is "corrective", that is, a means of identifying error, speaking to the pertinent sinful behaviors, and initiating corrective action regarding them. In either sense, it is a misunderstood concept. It can be a minefield for His church if handled in an unbiblical way.

Reconciliation and restoration are always the proper motives for church discipline. Our love for Christ and His church should move us to lifestyles that honor Him and His body, the church. When someone lives in a manner that brings dishonor on the Lord or His church and Kingdom, this person must be confronted about their actions and led to correct them. This system of corporate accountability is a function of the church and it's leadership. There is an interesting interview with Dr. Mark Dever, Senior Pastor of Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, D.C.. on the Walking Together Ministries web site. If you want to read brief comments about discipline go here.

Three primary New Testament passages provide the biblical mandates and patterns for reconciliation and restoration of individuals under the overall ministry of church discipline: Matthew 18:15-17; 1 Corinthians 5; and Galatians 6:1-5. It must further be noted that beyond our responsibility to the Body, the church, our love for others and concern for their well-being should be a prime motivation for intervening their questionable actions. On one occasion a church member told me their life was none of my business. "Au contraire," I said, "you walked down that aisle one Sunday and made it my business". On a personal level we should want what is best in the lives of the people we love and care for. 

So, approaching others about relational tension or offenses should be the norm in the local church and not abnormal, and certainly not resented. It is a function of our life together. We should celebrate it and not aplogize for it. Adherence to the precepts of Scripture should be the guiding principles for restoration and reconciliation. The texts mentioned provide a sound step by step process for approaching others about slights, perceptions, tensions, wrongful attitudes, misspoken words, offensive actions, or personal lifestyle issues. 

Next week I'll review more of the process. Today, let's give attention to a couple of the imporant words from the texts. They are foundational for church discipline. One, the first approach should always be private (Matthew 18:15). Just as clearly, the entire system of corrective discipline---instruction, correction, or rebuke should be handled prudently, except where grievous sin is involved and the correction should be more public (1 Timothy 5:20). Two, the character of Christ should superintend all restoration and reconiliation. Encouragement, patience, gentleness, forgiveness, and love should define the process. Also, authority. In the same way, this activity should cause us grief (1 Corinthians 5:2). Likewise, boastfulness should never attend this work of the Body. Three, the "one another" passages of Scripture cannot be ignored as church discipline is applied. There are a good many of these verses, and we must let them guide our motivations and attitudes.

More is at stake, however, than restoration of an individual. The purity and holiness of Christ's church is on display. Yes, as the old preacher said, He does love us enough to take us as we are. But, He loves us too much to leave us that way.

So, go and be reconciled.

 

Question two: is it worth risking the relationship?

Confronting people is not always the virtue we tend to think it is! Even though there is a corporate dimension to our accountability and the need for teaching, correcting, and rebuking, speaking the truth, even in love, is not always the most Godly move.

Solomon wrote, "A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense" (Proverbs 19:11). Like most other issues in life, the dynamics of relationships and the conflict that attends them are multi-layered. Because of this, our second question in dealing with conflict should always be: is the issue worth fighting over?

Over-looking offenses is, again, a significant theme in Scripture. The list of Bible references here is long, all touching the same idea---Proverbs 12:16; 15:18; 20:3, 17:14; 1 Peter 4:8; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13. Having a forgiving spirit to others because he has forgiven us takes us even deeper. The Psalmist wrote, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and full of faithful love. He will not always accuse or be angry forever. He has not dealt with us are our sins deserve or repaid us according to our offenses (Psalm 103:8-10). His model and command should guide us.

Two questions generally govern whether or not we can overlook an offense. One, does the offense do serious harm to God's reputation, to other people, the church, or to the offender? Two, has the offense created a wall between the two of you to cause you to look at each other differently for more than a short time?  If these answers are "no", then the virtuous action is to overlook the offense.

This is not easy for sinful humans. We tend to be overly sensitive. This compels us to naturally inflate the words and actions against us, and draws our attention to the other people involved. At the same time, we often apply Scripture selectively, choosing a verse or passage that absolves us of blame and moves us to defend. So, to overlook an offense is a discipline of grace that gives us inner strength to weather slights. Just the same, many collisions are unintended or occasioned by a failure to communicate, as the saying goes. Many times is simply a mis-communication.

Still, some words and actions cannot and should not be by-passed. The commands to not keep a record of wrongs and be forgiving are not hall passes for rude, obnoxious, or improper words or behaviours. And, Scripture mandates ways to approach others, seek reconciliation, and fulfill our corporate responsibility to teach, rebuke, instruct, and correct. This is a reason we must learn the counsel of God for relationships and keeping them according to the precepts of Scripture.

Two questions come first: one, is there something in me that has created this clash or misunderstanding? Should I acknowledge wrong attitudes, motives, or actions, then turn from them in the future. Two, is this issue worth the risk of losing this precious relationship? We should not barter our connection to others over trivial matters. In like manner, we should not suffer inappropriate actions or words just because we want to salvage our relationship or maintain unity.

This is the work of the Holy Spirit. We must slow down and listen to Him. Jesus said, "When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth" (John 16:13). That's the real deal here, the truth.

And you know what The Truth will do---set you free! 

Stop, look, and listen, again!

It's kind of a throw back to another time, but railroad crossings used to warn travelers to "STOP...LOOK...AND LISTEN!" It seems a little self-evident today, with our electronic systems and flashing lights. But, the simple sign advised caution when approaching a dangerous intersection.

Engaging the gears of conflict resolution is a dangerous intersection too. We often rush headlong into confrontation or negotiation without realizing the horrible outcomes of relational clashes. If others matter to us in a biblical sense, we must also "stop, look, and listen" before we enter a danger zone.

It may appear novel and outmoded in these times of minority politics, frank talk, and personal rights, but Scripture demands that people of faith value others more highly than ourselves. Yes, God's Word also commands personal accountability, discipline within the Body of Christ, and loving responsibility to correct, rebuke and teach. Yet, at the same time, Jesus' words about specks and logs provide a safety for those who would pull the correction trigger too quickly. Lamentations 3:40 strongly advises "Let us search out and examine our ways, and turn back to the Lord". The second step in resolving conflict should be another pause---the stop, look, and listen for error in our own lives before we move forward.

Misunderstanding often results in conflict. We humans tend to see and hear what we want to see and hear. Jesus spoke often about people with ears who couldn't hear and with eyes but couldn't see. In many instances our precious relaionships with others are sacrificed over a glitch in the communication process, words or actions that were either mis-communicated or received. Stopping at this intersection a second time may prevent a break in a relationship that is important to us, or should be, in the least. 

James, ever the practitioner of daily faith, cautioned about being "quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19), adding that "...man's anger does not accomplish God's righteousness" (v.20). The rest of that chapter involves the graces of restraint and differentiates being a doer of the Word and not just a hearer. Later, James contrasts wisdom from above with wisdom of the world. He affirms that wisdom from above is "peace loving" (3:17).

Self-examination is always the first and second steps in assessing clashes between Christians, especially in areas of personal preference. The second look is not meant to be a covering for sin or turning a blind eye to the serious infractions that may damage the relationships or inhibit the blessings He intends for the Body of Christ. There are clear Scriptural guidelines for restoration, negotiation, reconciliation, and confrontation. But, our relationships within the Body are significant in our witness to a lost and dying world. "By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another" (John 13:35).

Yes, indeed, this same love may compel us to speak to an issue or correct something sinful in another persons life. But, it should also halt us at intersection, and guide us to '"STOP, LOOK, LISTEN" before we cross the dangerous tracks.

Conflict resolution starts here: self-examination

Most personal conflict could be avoided. It's true, where people co-exist the there are plenty of opportunities for people to rub each other the wrong way. But, it doesn't have to end in relational toxin spilling all over every body.

It's like playing a round of golf. No kidding. Listen up. Golf is unique in the wonderful world of sports because it is self-policing. Most penalties assessed are self-imposed. Golfers keep tabs on their own game and report their own infractions. In the same way, conflict assessment begins with simple self-review. 

Scripture advises continuous self-examination. King David prayed, "Test me, LORD, and try me; examine my heart and mind" (Psalm 26:2). In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul wrote, "Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith. Examine yourselves. Or do you not recognize for yourselves that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless you fail the test" (2 Corinthians 13:5). When the heat of relationships is turned up a degree or two, our emotions tend to be ignited and we immediately conclude the problem exists in someone else. So, self-policing is something most humans don't do all that well. Consider this---

Human nature plays two games on us when our emotions are inflamed. First, most of us are too sensitive. We tend to wear feelings on our sleeves and are therefore easily offended, angered, hurt, slandered, or whatever outcome lights our fire. Second, we usually need to blame someone for what we are experiencing. So, automatically our critical eye focuses on the person that has offended us. Self-examination isn't an option because someone else has violated our territory.

Jesus warned His disciples to get the log out of their eye before they focused on the speck in their other person's eye (see Matthew 7:1-6). Now, let's get this right. He didn't command them not to judge. He told them to pause before judging, to take note of the sin in their own eyes before they concentrate on the sin of the other person. This is self-examination. It is simply looking at our own attitudes, motives, and responses before we activate the mechanisms of conflict resolution.

More than anything, self-examination cautions us about being trigger happy. Some people are just itching to point out the flaws in others. Usually they apply Scripture selectively, possess a haughty arrogant spirit, and love to call others to account. But, when we examine ourselves for wrong attitudes these mechanics are braked. In the process we may discover that the real problem in this relational collision is personal.

In the same way, King David prayed, "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way (Psalm 139:3-4). If more of us would practice this simple self-denying test of personal discipleship, many of the conflicts that trouble our lives and perhaps ruin our witness could be avoided. What is more, failure to self-examine is sin in our lives, and may inhibit conviction of the Holy Spirit about the behaviors hidden in us.

Conflict is real. It happens all too often, and ruins relationships that should bless us. Before we activate even the biblical approaches to conflict resolution, we should pause, pray the prayers of self-examination, and allow God to show us wrong ways that may keep us from seeing the truth about us.

Conflict resolution starts here: self examination.

Need a referee in your life?

Teaching the Resolving Everyday Conflict class in Northwood University has impressed me with the need for a referee every day. Most Christians are in denial about the every day irritants that inflame our relationships. In a world of toxic people, emotions often run hot and relationships are too often sacrificed on the altar of avoidance.

A few years ago, while serving on the staff of the South Carolina Baptist Convention I discovered a need for a systematic approach to conflict resolution. After a good bit of study and research I settled on material by Peacemaker Ministries. Their study guides, books, and hand-out materials outline the most comprehensive biblical conflict resolution system I had ever seen. Now, eleven years later, I still believe their approach is the best for handling most conflict issues. You can review their information here.

Amazingly, the Bible contains many references about dealing with the nuances of human behavior, emotions out of control, and many of the other realities about our sinful hearts, all sparks that ignite controversy and conflict. What is more, what we know and practice about dealing with differences is little. Many of us can quote one or two verses about confrontation or correction---the hammers we use to slam other people. But, few of us understand the attitudes and heart issues behind our need to pursue peace and spread our faith in horizontal ways. So, the Peacemaker Ministries approach covers much more ground than simply giving us permission to get in another persons face. Here, we learn about overlooking minor offenses, negotiating with others, seeking peace, mediation, arbitration, and numero uno, taking the plank our of our own eyes. 

So, next week let's spend some time learning about the referee---the Holy Spirit who works in us to establish unity and peace among believers. It is a good study. No, it's more than that. It's convicting. Unless you're just unteachable. And, that's conflict on another level---with Him!

See you Monday! 

Three cheers for Alec Baldwin

OK, it's the do everything knife. Like some people, it can accomplish any task on earth. Take for example Alec Baldwin. He's a good actor. Because of his proficiency in TV and films he suddenly thinks he's God's gift to foreign policy, or speaks authoritatively about domestic economic issues, or is Carnac the Great when discussing the political scene. It's a new dysfunction of the left, transference of proficiency.

What makes an actor, even with a reputable college degree, expert in other fields. Well, that's a good question for many Hollywood liberals. Back in the sixties Hanoi Jane thought she knew more about the Vietnam War than the Secretary of State, all the diplomatic corps, or the generals commanding our troops. When we invaded Iraq Sean Penn, another film liberal, with little more than a high school education, talked like he was in the situation room plotting the next moves of the ground troops. He was loudly critical of President Bush and even poked fun at the President's brain power, though he was Yale graduate. Of course, you can't have this talk without mentioning the most classic do-everything slice 'em and dice 'em blades---the Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They can and do spout off about everything too. Not bad for people who have never hed jobs.

So, here are the bozo's articulating theology, marriage, politics, economics, quantum physics, string theory, history, statistical sampling, immigration policy, constitutional law, and why NASA shouldn't be exploring black holes. Because they handled a part in an off-broadway revival or made a box office smash hit, they morph into a child psychologist or make an appearance before a Senate sub-committee or a forum from the United Nations. Give me a break. How do such skills and abilities seep through the pores and makes us the man of the hour in everything.

Truth is, this misplacement malfunction is about (1) how the media glamorizes their Hollywood elitists on the left, and (2) how we are suckers for the endorsements or the pronouncements of these ego-maniacs. It's a horrible mark of cultural regression if we allow Danny Glover or Michael Moore or Barbara Streisand be the filter of what we think about any topic. Yet, the left likes to trot out their glammour shots so the public will slobber all over themselves to lap up their junk. Come on!

This works in every venue too. Some people visualize themselves as experts, or at least proficient, in just about any discipline. And, it isn't necessarily so. Being good in one practice doesn't translate to the same level of knowledge or skill in another. The appeal of this syndrome is, however, rooted in spiritual things. A big head is more than an over-estimation of capability. It is arrogance and pride of the worst sort. It transmits that we don't need anybody else, that we are the whole package, the unholy trinity of me, myself, and I. 

In advancing age, this kind of immaturity sickens me more and more. People, no matter their spiritual moorings, should grow. This healthy growth recognizes our need for other people and our dependency on the people around us to bring what we are lacking to the table of ideas, and service. It is even more pronounced in people of faith because we know God wired talent and gifts into His people.

The do-everything knife just doesn't exist anywhere, except in the expansive mind of troubled people. And, then, in the hearts and minds of people influenced by them.

Three cheers for Alec Baldwin and his cohorts---boo, boo, boo.

The artistry of communication

President Obama may be the best at saying nothing than any politician in recent history. He has a genuine gift of skirting issues, using code language, and avoiding substance when the mic is live or the cameras are rolling. It is a smooth style that invites the uninitiated masses to the party. It's mostly smoke and mirrors. But, he does them well. So, do all of his cohorts. They've got the talking points and the no-message message down to an art.

Communication is an art. Well, duh, no joke, Mr. Carnegie. (If you don't know who Dale Carnegie is you're already at a communication knowledge deficit. Go here to learn about him). Even the the great prophets and scribes of the Old Testament learned the facts about the spoken and written word 3,000 years ago. As Habakkuk prepared a message from God to the Israelites, God told him to, "Write down this vision, clearly inscribe it on tablets so one may easily read it" (Habakkuk 2:2). God impressed him with the need for clarity. The message must be easily read, meaning, easy to understand.

These are strange times for people who convey messages to others. Liberals tend to be wise about the artistry of communication and conservatives are usually naive. On one level, there is a double standard. Joe Biden can botch his way through humorous gaffes and blunders and the media handle him with a wink and nod. Let candidate Todd Akin stumble over a descriptive phrase and everyone has apoplexy. Well, this again is no secret, nor is it anything new. The fourth estate usually leans left and gives their talking heads a hall pass when it comes to accuracy, diplomacy, or any of the political correctness stuff. 

Also, there's the aforementioned talking points thing. Liberal writers and speakers are usually on the same page when they communicate. So, even when they're not actually saying anything, they are at least saying the same nothing. Conservatives evidently fear being in lock-step. So, there's shooting from the hip, pulling one out of their boots, or going off the cuff. Results? Ask Mr. Akin or Mr. Cathey.

If conservatives are going to have a voice at the table this time around, they must learn the artistry of communication. It involves the lessons God spoke to Habakkuk. They are: (1) receive a vision (2) write it down (3) write it clearly and distinctly (4) make sure anybody can read it and understand it. It's artistry of communication God gave to a prophet a long time ago.

Conservatives certainly have a vision. Generally it is based on the founders values and ideals, the strength of the United States Constitution and it's amendments, a Judeo-Christian ethic, and the lessons of our 236 year history. Evangelicals have even more, the vision and mission entrusted by Jesus. Our task is to communicate this to the world around us. It is our mandate. We must, to use Jesus' own words, "be as innocent as doves and wise as serpents" as we fulfill this challenge.

We must pay attention to the artistry of communication. Or, we'll be watching from the sidelines again.

Clueless in the U.S.

So a lady in line at Starbucks the other day asked her friend, "What's the deal about Chic-Fil-A? Why are they all of a sudden in the news?" I remember thinking, "welcome back". She must have been on the third rock from the sun for the past month.

Well, not really. Being abducted by aliens and living on another planet might be genuine excuses for being unplugged from the world and headlines for a spell. What is amazing, though, is the number of being who don't have a clue while they live right here in the information age. 

It's a mystery. The young woman in the coffee line had an iPhone and an iPad in her hands as she ordered her Skinny Vanilla Bean Frappe. She wasn't totally out to lunch because she knew how to navigate Starbucks and speak the java-speak of the hip coffee crowd. But, the news featuring Dan Cathey---which was only plastered on every news daily in the country, announced on every prime time news program on the major and cable channels, and was the subject of every blog covering every angle of the debate---was nearly impossible to miss. It's proof of the clueless in the United States syndrome. Here we are just three months from a national election and the per centage of the population out of the political loop is staggering.

That Americans are uninformed is a dysfunction of the information age. Truth is, most of us don't understand economic conditions, terrorism, the state of our educational system, the aims of the liberal left in almost every sphere of human experience, revisionism, statism, minimalism, or cubism, for that matter. Contrary to popular belief, party's are political systems and not happy hour at the corner bar. Party platforms are not the dais where the hoi poloi sit prior to their time at the microphone. And, just to keep us on track, the country is no longer officially in the throes of a recession, even though surveys indicate 82% think we are. You see, we are America the clueless. All the information is out there. We just don't want to go to the trouble of mining it.

So, how can a block of people be activated or energized to action? High gas prices didn't do it? Tax hikes haven't ruffled us to action. Incredible unemployment rates and an unprecedented number of people in the system hasn't stirred us. An assault on traditional values hasn't been the ticket. Fourth graders reading at a first grade level hasn't made us vote differently. Sky-rocketing crime stats haven't done it. So, how do we break the indifference code in the US of A, get people riled enough to know the facts, and get plugged in to the processes that actually drive this nation toward excellence?  

The Democrats have a pretty good system for activating the populations. You know, register the dead, develop busing systems to the polls, pay people to vote, register people in neighboring states, promise them a bigger piece of the pie, or, here's a goodie---give them a free immigration pass.

Nah! Just make the outcome worth the time and effort, make their vote count for something. Or, you could give away Vanilla Bean Frappes.

Just saying...

Priceless

When we walked around the corner of the Nauticus Museum yesterday, the first glimpse of BB 64, the USS Wisconsin, almost took our breath away. Our dad, who was stationed aboard BB 64 from January, '45 until he was discharged in June, '46, was visually stunned. The 67 intervening years had diminished not only the size of the ship in his memory, but also many of the important events that a seventeen year old kid would have of such experiences. It was a moment to remember.

Even before we arrived at the ship's birth, he was re-discovering things from the past. As we crossed Granby Street in downtown Norfolk (Virginia) he remembered it as the street seaman could escape the rigors of ship life and find some amusement when on shore leave. In fact, it was the only locale he remembered from that time so long ago. Today, it is a modern street of bistros and eateries, much more upscale than the seedy joints of wartime. You could see the gears turning.

Now, the ship wasn't open for tours at that hour and we just walked around the nice park areas surrounding it. But, over and over The Chester stopped to look at the massive battle wagon, spotted his gunnery station on deck, remembered the many passageways and ladders that guided him from the lower decks to the top, and took in the size. It was thrilling to watch.

Today, we will be taking a guided tour of the lower decks, a tour that invites us to see the ship from the seaman's perspective---the enlisted sleeping quarters, the galley, bakery, library, ship's stores, and many of the others places occupied by the young enlisted personnel. Of course, The Chester is excited about the day. His memories of life aboard ship are vague. We are praying that being there will bring the past to life for him.

This all reminds me of the people who have served in the American military in our history. Dad enlisted at age 17 and was headed to Okinawa when WWII ended. He was anxious to serve, had to get my grandmother to sign him in, and, though glad to see the end of the war, was disappointed that his service was no longer needed. Like so many other Americans, he was and is honored to have served. Today, standing in fthe shadow of BB 64, he said it was one of the best things he ever did.

Standing with him today makes me even more determined to see a change at the top of our government this November. Our military personnel are choice servants that should be honored by a grateful nation. To see the disdain that the administration has for our military and nation makes me ashamed of them. We must unseat them in this next election.

Today, I am thankful to spend the day with a living patriot, Chester Henry Holmes, who served in the United States Navy during WWII, aboard BB 64, the USS Wisconsin. I can't wait to tour it with him, and hear the stories of ship life back then.

They are memories preserved. Priceless. WOW!