The most profound thought ever communicated to me was transmitted without a single word. It was a painful time and my friend just embraced me. Underneath his gesture was deep life lesson. You see, when the people close to us encounter the horrors of this life, we want to help. Words are most often the life-line we extend to them, the most available comfort food we can offer when things have gone harsh. Yet, even when we can shape and contrive them for the unique realities of the hour, they just as often miss the mark. Even more, we're apt to cough up the words that are mose familiar to us, and they don't always fit the context of the moment. So, even our best aimed Sunday School language or the softest words of Jesus turn out to be inappropriate for the circumstance.
But a gesture says a lot without saying a lot. The embrace surrounded me in warmth, a loving touch that could not be missed. Much later, reflecting on the way that embrace comforted me, I thought of Jesus when he learned of his friend Lazarus had died. It is the shortest verse in the Bible, but what may be the most lasting lesson. You know it. "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). There were no words. Just a heart-moving reaction, an instantaneous response that joined Him to the sisters and the crowd. Words came later, of course, in the raising of Lazarus from the dead. The tears, however, had already established the connection.
Having experienced so much heart-break with people over the course of thirty years as a pastor, I continue to marvel at the power of these gestures, the silent touch that seems to ease the moment or at least join it. Our words often come from the memory bank and not the heart, try as we might for sincerity and authenticity. But, who can mistake the assurance of a look or a touch, the knowing connection of eyes or even flesh, the strong arms that engulf our sorrow in a secure embrace.
And then, there are times when we really don't have words adequate for the hour, but the need for them compels us to come up with something, appropriate or not. More and more my advice is to allow an assuring look or a soft hand to be the connection. Even, at times, to stand silently in the corner so that your friend can at the least see you close by.
Perhaps the unspoken truth is the most profound. And, we should once again learn the encouragement of presence, the power of silence, and the joy of being near.
Happy and blessed Saturday.
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Posted by: Aubrey | October 26, 2013 at 03:18 PM